Moonshine
by Gainel
Summary: Remus Lupin catches a moment of serenity and peace with Sirius Black. SBRL. Sirius Black/Remus Lupin. Fluffy, little bit of werewolfy angst. T just for mentions of nonsexual nudity and boys kissing. One shot


Remus Lupin is catching an extremely brief moment of serenity. His bones have all just broken and fixed themselves back into shape and position, as the moon has just set. The sun has yet to rise, and there was the sort of darkness upon the Hogwarts grounds which nothing seemed to penetrate, Not even sound. Soon, the trembles had subsided, his breath evened out, and the burning sensation as his muscles writhed around faded away.

He was cold now, as if the pain had been keeping all other sensation at bay. He sits on the Shack's single four-poster, comfortable with his nudity, as he was alone. His fellows never stayed for the transformation, the most violent part of his curse. With one leg drawn up toward his chest, his arm resting across it, he stares out the window and up. The window had been boarded, but he had torn it down in a rage last month, and now the glass was clear and black with the morning darkness.

There is no moon in the sky, but Remus stares at where it would have been with a sort of bitter hate he never felt except when thinking of the moon. What he hated most was the dizzy panic he could feel just under the surface, just below the anger and hatred. He was scared, and that went deeper than any hate ever could.

When he began to realize that his breath was fogging the glass, he moved back. Now, with the light of a lantern, he could see his reflection quite clearly. Mirrors were something that, habitually, he avoided, and so he couldn't help but stare at himself.

He is not usually very self conscious, though he was constantly aware of his scarred hands and face. There were a lot of qualities he did like about himself, though he wasn't nearly so cock-sure as, say, James. He liked his hair, and how it curled in the back, partly because Sirius said he could grab hold of it easier, He liked his eyes, and how his jaw had filled out lately. But now he suddenly notices: There are scars on every inch of him, it seemed like, and he feels something like a kick in his stomach.

He can never casually go swimming, he can't unbutton his shirt in the common room when it began to get hot, He has to time his showers to avoid the other Gryffindor boys. It seems he is all about hiding..

He looks away and pulls the ratty comforter up to his neck, self consciously touching the scar that ran over his nose and part of both cheeks, his most prominent. He curses the moon, curses Greyback, curses even himself, for all he was worth, the flavor of hatred and sadness and disappointment was bitter in his mouth.

Almost as soon as he has done this the door, magically locked, clicks and creaks open.

"Hey, Moonshine," Sirius keeps his voice-gentle and sweet-low, entering the room carefully, walking backward. Remus soon sees why, Sirius is carrying a tray and has to open the door with his shoulder. Merely out of habit, Remus sits up, letting the blanket fall to his waist. "Who were you cursing at, pet?"

Sirius sits the tray in Remus' lap, kisses his temple, and folds himself into the bed behind him, nuzzling his face into the spot between the werewolf's shoulder blades for a moment.

"No one. The Moon, mostly" Remus murmurs, and sniffs. The smell of chocolate was extremely prevalent, and he knew it was the steaming mug on the corner of the tray. Filled near to spilling-How Sirius got it down here Remus will never know-with melting marshmallows on the surface. Sirius reaches around him and takes a piece of toast for himself. Remus bites into it as it passes his face and Sirius laughs gently at him.

"Alright, alright. I already ate," He concedes , and waits patiently, nose resting gently in the short curls at the base of Remus' neck. He is tired, Remus knows, from being up all night with the werewolf. James and Peter have surely gone to bed, but Sirius, as always, stays to bring him breakfast and get him back to the castle safely. Because he loves him, Remus knows this without question, it is the only thing he is secure in. He leans back against Sirius' chest as he eats.

He is far from self conscious with Sirius, as Sirius has seen all the best and worst parts of him there are to see, inside and out. It is useless to try to hide anything, and so he doesn't try. Remus is a logical person, and right now he has no energy to waste.

Remus eats every bite of food in front of him, even going so far as to lick his fingers for the crumbs and jam residue, trailing them through the bacon grease and liquid egg yolk until the plate is clean. He is, was, absolutely ravenous as every morning after. But, despite the Hogwarts house elves making some of the most delicious food in Europe, it all tastes bitter to Remus. He is still tasting his disappointment and hatred, of which he has quite a lot, all pent up inside of him, apparently so full of it that it is splashing up onto his tongue now.

Even the cup of chocolate, which he drinks dry, leaves a bitter taste in his mouth in the end. When Sirius gets up to put the tray on the table, Remus lays back on the pillows and stares at the black glass of the window. Sirius says that he's left Remus' clothes in the tunnel, and goes to get them.

Remus stares hard at his face and shoulders, and once again touches the scar across his nose.

When Sirius reenters, almost as if he and the Sun had planned it, the first rays of silver-gray dawn burst over the edges of Hogsmeade. Sirius himself has brought the sun, it seems to Remus, and he can't help but turn his face away from the window and smile at him.

"What were you looking at, Moonshine?" Remus asks as he approaches, Something soft and warm in his eyes, a faint, gentle smile on his face.

"Only admiring my scars, Padfoot," Remus says with more than a touch of sarcasm, but Sirius' warm gaze only grows warmer as he crosses completely to the bed.

"Ah, you too, love?" He murmurs, near whispers, as he clambers onto the bed with a sort of graceful gracelessness, thick strands of black hair falling roguishly into his handsome face. Remus brushes them back almost reverently. "I find myself admiring them all the time, you know."

Remus laughs and his breath tastes bitter, "Ah yes, aren't they just gorgeous?" He does not sound at all happy anymore. He feels that perhaps Sirius is teasing him.

"But it's true, Moonshine" Sirius is whispering now, his fingers trailing over a scar Remus can't see on his shoulder, "They are. I love them, I love your scars." He lowers his face, and his mouth trails the scar on Remus' shoulder, and then he moves to Remus' face. His nose gently follows the scar over Remus' own. "Especially this one," He breaths, and Remus can smell his breath and his aftershave. Coffee and apples and spice and rum and mint, and something under it all that is undeniably Sirius, rich and warm and inviting as fresh leather.

Remus can _feel_ the truth, the love, the honesty on Sirius and it nearly overwhelms him. Hebegins to shiver, only a little, but it is a cue Sirius takes. Leaning down, Sirius grabs his mouth with his own, it is quick and a little forceful and impetuous and only Sirius Black could make a kiss like this feel like it contains all the love in the world. It is brief, and when Sirius moves away, Remus leans up for his own kiss, An undeniably Remus kiss. Slow and well thought out and intensely full of emotion.

Sirius does not taste bitter. He tastes like coffee and apples and spearmint, which somehow combine to make the sweetest flavor Remus has ever tasted. Remus decides that they really don't need to be anywhere soon, and passes the entire sunrise kissing Sirius in the lazy and familiar way he has come to associate with this act.

Eventually, trembling and breathless, he finally stops. The sun has risen, and sits low on the tops of the Hogsmeade houses, as if it needs a rest. Remus has forgotten what he was worrying about earlier, forgotten entirely. He tries to remember, looking dazedly up at Sirius' kiss-swollen lips with darkened eyes, but all he can seem to remember is the taste of coffee and apples and spearmint, and a rich and inviting smell that is so undeniably Sirius that he will never associate it with anything else.

"I love you, Remus," Sirius murmurs to him, once again nuzzling his scar. He's never said it before, and even though it is the first time it is still casual, impulsive but oh so truthful. Remus would expect nothing less from Sirius, but still, he is taken aback for a moment. He remembers how the sun returned the second Sirius did, and smiles up at him. Sirius thinks to himself that, if he can never again enjoy looking up at a full moon, he will be more than satisfied with a smile like that.

"I love you, Sirius," Remus tells him, as lightheartedly truthful as Sirius had been, and they get up together to go back to the castle. Nothing has changed just because they put it into words, They knew it was true all along.

[By the way, as much as I LOVE favorites-and I certainly do!- I also love comments!]


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